Oh... where to begin...

My!! How very liberating this is! I... well, I just don't even know where to begin!!

My name is Princess Katherine Lynn Kissyface. My owners call me "Katie" or more often, "Kate" with a rather harsh tone that is completely unwarranted. I am 6 in people years, which affords me the rather substantial age of 40 in canine years according to the Pedigree.com Dog Age Calculator. According to that site, I am considered a "senior" dog. I am full-bred, of course. A Shetland Sheepdog to be precise. And no, we are not "miniature collies". I am fully bred of a fully recognized independent and well-established breed, thankyouverymuch.

I'm not well cared for at all. I honestly can't even remember the last time I saw a SA-lon. My paws are simply dreadful and my hair... well, okay--my hair is not at it's worst, but it's certainly not fitting of a princess by any stretch. It's just disgusting. But then, my female owner doesn't even care for her own grooming so I'm not even remotely surprised that she is not moved to tend to mine.

Oh yes, my owners. I have two of them. There's Mother and Father. They have a human child, Matthew. He's 3. I was here first. Hmph. And then there's Matthew's dog, Brody Quinn. He's an insufferable beast. Also a Shetland Sheepdog and while I admit that his sable merle coat is a rare and beautiful thing, that's the end of all that is beautiful about that meathound. He's dreadful on his best day. And young. He just turned 3 (28 canine). The Pedigree site would have you believe he's an "adult" dog, but he's infantile at best. All false bravado and machismo--it's very uncouthe.

So I am thrilled to have direct access to my loyal fans. It's been so long! How I know you have longed to love me--and I have longed to be adored as I should be! I am so happy to see you... Ugh--my necklace is just filthy and I certainly am not in any shape to be seen; but I will take it.

Now I must go watch for that horrible man that throws paper into the vestibule. Wretched man.